Divorce..Is it time? Or is there hope for him and I?

My husband explodes in unrational anger the minute he feels attacked. Feels is the key word. Tonight for an expample he talked about taking a trip to Mexico...however, when I mentioned it will cost more that the other options we discussed he argued it would not. So I mentioned being a country we are not familiar with we would want to stay in hotels that are known and prob. be about 100+ per night...he said no "I know people that can find us a cheap place" "Okay, I said but Ill have to research the place to be safe" this caused him to explode as though I were telling him he was not capable but really I just need to feel safe so if he would show me the place was safe its all a go...if not...I need to see the place listed as a safe tourist location. Then he talked about a busn he wants to get a loan for but has no busn plan....its like a kid saying I want to be a Dr. but going to play in the mud rather than playing Dr....he just talks like a child. Now I didnt tell him that...I just said well if you want a loan they will want to see a busn. plan before lending...but he screamed at me cause of course my comment was a personal attack. As he screams at me for apparently being a ***** and judging him..he is clueless that he is the one that is judging me for things that are not so. Finally after all the screaming we are in the car and he does not want to hear a word I have to say....so he screams to me to shut up and then pretends he is going to hit the big truck in front of us.....really! is this the behavior of a normal man of 40 years? I think his self esteem is so shot that when I ask for details about things that seem ify or unclear he hears she doubts me...instead of realizing people tend to want to see the bridge being sold before paying for it. If he had an ounce of sanity he'd be able to ask, talk and question my intention...but the fact that he screams shortly followed by I want a divorce and shut up and lots of bad talk tells me really this is nothing to do with me..cause his actions are his actions. His brother who has an autistic son studied a lot about asbergers and said that he is more than confident that my husband has it. ...but my husband says he does not. He wont seek help or admit he has a problem. Because he is a loner and a people pleaser he seems so nice to everyone (which he is) But noone is close enough to him but me to notice how out of control he is. His verbage and expolsions which come without warning leave me feeling depressed and since I am sensitive but strong willed I tend to not be able to stop trying to get him to see what he's doing...and it only makes him yell more. I am afraid to divorce him....I am afraid to be alone. I love him the core of who he is but his behavior feels like abuse...If I were a woman that shut up and just spent his money life would be easy but I try to honor his goals and dreams but to honor my own I need to understand the path we are on not just say oh good idea honey and lie to him if I think it is not a good idea. Most men I know would appreciate all I do and how supportive I am..but he critisizes me. I am cont. much happier when he is gone. I miss him and cant wait for him to come home. and then...within 5 mins of him being home I wish he left again he brings all my good day to a halt and I feel like Im in a warp of downward spiraling neg. depression. He is depressed, stressed and a dreamer. He watches Utube videos all the time....wants to do a million things but mostly does nothing outside of work. He dreams like a child (which in a way I admire) except w/o action he is only dreaming and its scary cause some of them sound so 3rd grader and he speaks of them full heartedly that Ive seen others look at him like what is wrong with you....I am not happy. I love his family so much that is one thing that makes me really scared. They are more family to me than my own family and I know I fear losing them. When I need things in my life that are not related to my husband thats when his great shining comes through. Its y I think its all about him and his problems cause he is so different when my issues or concerns are about something or someone else but the min its about him...the war is on. Help please. I try so hard to have patience but I cannot deny how much it hurts to hear him talk the way he does and worse to not see progress in his behavior. I truly know his behavior is not healthy but also truly know if he could do better he would. I am positive this is not personality issues....its deeper than that. I dont know about other disorders to know how to diagnose him. Manic, bipolar, aspergers these all come to mind when I think of his behavior. He shakes his legs when doing things he cant seem to sit still. His routines are usually the same. He loses interest in subjects and disconnects and seems to have left the room mentally....I can handle what he does...but I cannot handle being screamed a